Last Call

Last Call

At last, Tessie had made her dream come true.  ‘Tessie Cal’s Bar’ had come a long way since the day that she had bought it.  As she looked around at everything, she realized that it was just perfect, just the way she had dreamed.  Everything from the signs hanging on the walls, to the records playing on the jukebox, it was all absolutely perfect.  Through Tessie’s eyes everything was perfect, but through the customers’ eyes things looked a little different.

A few of the customers were talking to Ann about how they were worried about Tessie.  It seemed that lately she was doing more than having just a few drinks.  She was never on time to open the bar anymore, sometime she was two or three hours late.  She would tell anyone that asked her any questions about her tardiness, “to just mind their own business.”  She never seemed to want to work anymore.  Ann was working six days a week while Mike, a customer, was working six nights a week.  Tessie was just working a few hours in the morning, and usually on Sunday she would either open late or close early.  There were Sundays that she wouldn’t open at all.

Ann was talking to Mike about the situation, and how Tessie always left plenty of money to work with in the register before, but now there were only a few singles and some change.  There wasn’t a lot of whiskey or beer to work with.  The only thing that there seemed to be plenty of was vodka, which just happened to be the brand that Tessie drank.

Since Danny walked out on her, though in her mind she threw him out, the guys she was going out with weren’t exactly her type.  As a matter of fact, one guy she seemed to be with all of the time had just gotten out of jail for murder.  Ann decided to try and talk to Tessie, even though she knew it would be talking to a brick wall.  Still, Ann went the next morning and waited outside the bar at seven in the morning for Tessie to open.  At twenty after Ann got tired of waiting and walked over to Tessie’s apartment to see if she was alright.  Ann rang the bell, and when she got no answer, she found the door unlocked and walked in.  Tessie wasn’t home, and as Ann stepped over garbage and vodka bottles she knew that Tessie was not in control of her drinking anymore.

Tessie had gone on binges before, but doctors, friends, and family had warned her that working in a bar was not the best place for her.  Sometimes in the past she could go six months, or a year without a drink, but once she got started it was bad news.  Even DUI Dee was telling Tessie to slow down with her drinking.

As Ann walked back to the bar, she decided that if the bar was still closed she would just go home and call later.  She looked in the window of the bar, and knocked once more before noticing Tessie sleeping at the bar.  She knocked for ten minutes before she awoke.  She let Ann in, and began turning on all of the lights and cleaning up as if nothing had happened.  A few customers came in, and when they told her she was late again she just laughed it off and poured them all a drink.  Of course she poured one for herself, too.

“What happened here last night?” asked Tess.  She had a worried look on her face.  The regular customers knew better than to tell her the truth about what had happened, so they said, “Oh you were fine.  You did nothing out of line.”  This was getting more difficult for the customers to say every day though.

One beer Tom the jokester stopped in Tessie’s bar ordered a small glass of beer and said

“Here is what I got for you today”:
• A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, and one for the road.”

 .A goldfish flops into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The goldfish says, “Water.”

• A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, “Does your dog bite?” The lady answers, “Never!” The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The woman replies, “He doesn’t. That’s not my dog.”

• A guy walks into a bar. A horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?” The guy says, “Honestly, no. I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

• A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

• A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: “What’s the quickest way to get to Dublin?” “Are you walking or driving?” asks the barman. “Driving,” says a man. “That’s the quickest way,” says the barman.

• A man goes into a bar and says, “Give me a drink before the trouble starts.” And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, “Give me another drink before the trouble starts.” He downs that one and says quotation mark, give me another drink before the trouble starts.” Finally, the bartender asks, “Just when is this trouble going to start?” The man says, “The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don’t have any money.”

• A tourist goes into a bar where a dog is sitting in a chair playing poker. He asks, “Is that dog there really playing poker?” And the bartender says, “Yeah, but he’s not too smart. Whenever he has a good hand, he starts wagging his tail.”

• A guy goes into a bar, orders four shots of the most expensive 30-year-old single malt Scotch whisky and downs them one after the other. The bartender says, “You seem to be in a great hurry.” The guy says, “You would be too if you had what I have.” The bartender asks, “What have you got? “Fifty cents,” is the reply.

• A Northerner walks into a bar in the Deep South around Christmas time. A small nativity scene is behind the bar, and the guy says, “That’s a nice nativity scene. But how come the three wise men are all wearing firemen’s hats?” And the bartender says, “Well, it says right there in the Bible—the three wise men came from afar.”

• A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie.” Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty except for him and the bartender. A few sips later, another voice said, “Beautiful shirt.” At this, the man calls the bartender over. “Say, I must be losing my mind,” he tells him. “I keep hearing these voices say nice things, and there is not a soul in here but us.” “It’s the peanuts,” explains the bartender, indicating a dish on the bar. “The peanuts?” “That’s right, the peanuts—they’re complementary.”

• A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, “Hey buddy, can’t you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!” The man replies, “No, I can’t read the sign—I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: “I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!” The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, “The sign says no dogs allowed! You’ll have to leave!” The friend says, “Sorry, I can’t see the sign because I’m blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog.” The bartender replies, “Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?” The man says, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”

• A man walks into a bar looking sad, and the bartender asks him, “What’s the matter?” The man says, “My wife and I had a fight, and she told me she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month. The month is up today.”

• This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He looks in his pocket and orders another drink, looks in his pocket and orders still another drink. His curiosity aroused, the bartender asks, “What are you doing? What’s in your pocket?” And the guy says, “It’s a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, I know it’s time to go home.”

One beer Tom the jokester finished up his beer and said” I’m going on vacation and won’t be back for two weeks” and then walked out the door.  Everyone shook their head in disbelief the way Tom had just rattled off all those jokes from memory. “Wonder if he’ll be able to do it at all his stops.”  “What a nut.” said Ann

Tessie asked Ann to watch the bar for ten minutes while she went to the bank to get some change.  This was Ann’s only day off, and Tessie promised to only be ten minutes.  After an hour, Ann knew that Tessie was not coming back.  She was so fed up she said to the customers, “LAST CALL!”  Everyone looked shocked since it was only eleven in the morning, but Ann served everyone one last drink, turned out the lights, and hung the “Closed” sign on the door.

Ann took Bouncer home with her because it was getting to the point where if it weren’t for Ann the poor dog may not get water , food and be taken out on a regular basis.

Three days later Tessie came back and wondered why the bar was closed.  She went in and opened up, all the while wondering where all of the customers were.  She called Ann and wondered why Ann had told her she had quit.  She wondered why Mike had quit.  The answer was looking her right in the eye, it was the glass of vodka she had in her hand.

Tessie did the only thing she knew how; she called the liquor distributor and ordered ten cases of vodka.  However, they informed her that her credit wasn’t any good.  She hung up the phone, and as she looked at the wall beside her she noticed a number someone had written – it was the number to Alcoholics Anonymous.

She had gone there a few times before, but she had never really realized how badly she truly needed it.  She called the number, and that night she went to a meeting.  The bar went up for sale, and with the money from the sale Tessie eventually got a little music store.  She is still going to meetings, and that music store is open on time every morning. She was shocked to see her old boyfriend Danny at an AA meeting. “What are you doing here? You don’t even drink?” “I’ve been going to AA meetings for a long time,” said Danny, “but now I am in reality that the pills and pot are just booze in disguise. I’ve been saving you a chair here at these AA meetings and am sure glad to see you walk in those doors. Can I take you out for a cup of coffee and piece of pie after this meeting?  If you let me back in your life I will treat you like a queen 100 percent of the time.”  Tessie smiled and said with a sigh, “You know I missed you and your big blue eyes, now that I’m not drinking and you’re not high, you know I like pie, so yes let’s fly.  Now she is seeing the world through clear eyes and thinking about writing a book, Through The Eyes of A Musician.

When the new owners took over the business they found more of Tessie’s creative writings and tried to understand the meaning of them all -  what do you think ?

While waiting

The reason why misunderstood

restricted and unrelated

At my request excluded, detained involuntary

unable to obtain information

Requiring moments, that seemed like hours

and there are no limits

Simple privileges, upon request

no longer entitled

This thought occurred, quite hard to understand,

while waiting.

Shadow

No matter how I try forgetting

still the shadow follows me.

In the distance I’m regretting

many things that use to be.

Trying to wish and make it vanish

doesn’t seem to work at all.

I know I’ve seen the shadow

but I can’t seem to recall.

Looking far beyond the silence

in a backward glance I see.

Is it just my own reflection

or is the shadow following me?

       Dependence

The impossible attempt

to confront the situation

with the utterly unreasonable demands

truthfully unable to understand.

Eventually unable to hallucinate

while having the same problem

avoiding the issue

Completely dependent

and suddenly realizing it.

           Reality

My eyes shed joyous tears

as I heard your voice once more

when you whispered you were near

I felt my whole heart soar

With misunderstanding and a little mistrust

I wondered, was it you?

in my eyes an illusion so sincerely touched

I knew not what to do

Looking at the morning rain

I see your teardrops fall

but they tell me that I am insane

and have no mind at all

Should it happen that when reach out

knowing it is you

Looking closely what it’s all about

an illusion that is true.

         Great Honor

On occasion, the opportunity

for an individual, we acknowledge

who’s challenges have been created.

Brings together the experience

of recognition, reflecting back

It was a great honor,

and I was overwhelmed.

But at the time

perhaps it was my attitude

towards the situation.

  One in a million

They say the chances

are worth the risk

at least that’s what we’re told..

To live in a world

that goes so fast

we’re lucky to grow old.

One in a million

can survive

at least that’s what they say.

to pay the price is hard to do

We must take a chance

each day.

         Terror

Deep in the anguish

of the shadow.

I find the uncertainty

of the bewilderment

that is no longer

controllable.

Then it becomes terror.

To understand or reason

I see it in my eyes.

Looking beyond

the silence

then realizing

It was only the wind.

                  One day

I thought that I had found the key

to the answer locked inside of me.

The question was still torn in two

uncertain of what I should do?

The solution was there, but I had to think

for there are many parts to a missing link.

One at a time, together they fell

the links of the chain, then I could tell.

How could this just simply occur

forever and forever more?

Forever is a long, long time

and can’t be put in words of rhyme.

Yesterday is forgotten, tomorrow is unknown

it has been proven and has been shown.

The key to the answer is plains to see

The problem, solution, and answer are one in three.

            Wasted

Qualified and intelligent

yet unable to cooperate.

Unwilling to try

creations left inside,

never revealed

wasted.

         Wishing Well

I sat beside a wishing well

thinking about what I would tell.

I thought I’d make a wish to see

Would it come true, especially for me.

I wished that I could find a star

tho I might have to travel far.

If I could find the answer to

this question, that I ask of you.

I’d toss a penny from my hand

hoping you would understand.

        An Old Image

Life’s too short for broken dreams

and silent rage can kill.

The timeless gift of life is mine

not idly standing still.

Dreams dwell in my heart and mind

a dissolving thought is hard to find.

With dignity and old image has returned

without a doubt the gift I have received

has made me part of this universe.

        My Conclusion

One day I stood and looked

at all my shattered dreams

And in my heart I knew

it wasn’t like it seemed.

Once I had enchanting dreams

of the forest of tomorrow.

A promise I made to myself

that left me full of sorrow.

The silent fear that I once knew

is different from the rest.

And it is my conclusion

I must try to do my best

These faded broken dreams

weren’t always there,

and  the tears of love I shed for you

just proves how much I cared.

My eyes look very closely now

at memories that have burned.

Those shattered, faded, broken dreams

no longer can return.

Silent Rage

Restless dreams

and silent fears

thru starry eyes

that know no tears

The roaring thunder

beneath the surface

Quite frequently

disappears and drifts

Once was brilliant

upon the stage

A song in a heart

now in silent rage

Unexpected and uncertain

suddenly a challenge emerges

The thunder roars and echoes

through out the universe

A wild eyed stare

Unaware

Keeps him from singing

It happened in a split second

Tornado

Destructive winds

suddenly for no apparent reason

terrorizing innocent people

who are in the way

this is disturbing

            Unable to control

destroying independently

what took century’s to build

and the obsessive  fear is

the tornado, will return

but for the moment

all is calm, all is bright

Noreen the Queen

Noreen the Queen

The phone would ring and we all knew that if it was for Noreen. “She just left” is what we were supposed to say.  It did not matter who it was or how important it was, “She just left”.  Eventually they would stop calling and it no longer seemed urgent.  All Noreen wanted to do is to be left alone so she could drink in peace and quiet.  The jukebox was always blaring and drunks were arguing all around her, this is the peace and quiet she wanted.  Noreen certainly did not want the yap, yap, yaps of her husband or teenage kids.  She knew they would be OK because Noreen always left a twenty dollar bill on the kitchen table for them to order pizza or what ever they wanted for dinner.

Noreen would arrive at Tessie’s bar seven days a week at 6pm sharp.  She would put a twenty dollar bill on the bar which was good for at least fifteen drinks.  She would get drunk every night and caused quite a few problems at Tessie’s bar, but it was OK because she always left the bar-maid a twenty dollar tip.  Noreen was known to take a cab home at closing time.  The taxi driver would make sure he was on time to pick her up from the bar. He knew it was worth the hassle of carrying her into the taxi and up to her front door because there would be a twenty dollar tip in for him.

It was self will run riot for Noreen and everyone would let her do whatever she wanted.  It was only costing her $80.00 a day plus $5.00 each way in the cab so let’s say $90.00 a day to party hearty.  “My husband is an idiot” she would say.  When he met me he was penny less and now he lives in a beautiful house that I paid for.  He drives a classy car that I paid for and he has a great job that I arranged for him.   I pay all the bills and tuition for my children’s school.  When ever they want something from the mall, I give them my credit card.  I am a first-rate mother and an excellent wife.  Why the hell do they keep calling here looking for me?”

Just then, One Beer Tom, the jokester stopped in, ordered a small glass of beer and said

“Here is the joke of the day”:

A drunk is walking down the street one day and he meets a genie. "Today is your lucky day!" said the genie. "I'm going to give you two wishes. What will the first wish be?" The drunk thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending bottle of wine." So the genie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized bottle of wine. The drunk opens it up and starts drinking.  After three gulps the bottle is still the full. Next the genie says, "...And wish number two?" The drunk replies, "This is so cool man! I’ll have another one!"

Bouncer the dog looked up at Tom rolled his eyes, made a sigh and walked away.  Bouncer had heard a lot around Tessie’s bar.  If only he could talk I’m sure there would be a few more chapters in this book.  He was always polite and pretended to listen to all the drunks as though he was interested.

Tessie would wonder how Noreen kept her job as a legal secretary for the last 15 years.  How the hell did she get up every morning without hesitation, with a huge hangover and pull this off for the last 15 years?   Tessie had once asked her “How do you do it?”  “Well” Noreen said “ I will  tell you my  little secret .  Every morning when I get up I have a four ounce glass of whiskey, no more or no less.  Then I eat four raw eggs, no more or no less.  I take four pills, one speed, one valium, one antidepressant and one B- vitamin. The combination is amazing and makes me feel like a queen.  I can accomplish anything I put my mind on, however the main thing is I have something to look forward to at 6:00pm every night which is drinking here at the bar.  It makes me happy and I am not hurting anyone.”   I sit here at the end of the bar, away from all the regulars, I enjoy the jukebox and listing to everyone.  I try to mind my own business and just sit here enjoying my drinks”. 

“The reason I ask” said Tessie” is that even though the lights are not so bright in here, you are starting to look a little yellow.  That is not a good sign and all the money in the world won’t help once your liver starts to fail.  Did you ever consider going off the booze”? “Listen” said Noreen “My liver is just fine and if you ever say anything like that to me again, I will take my business elsewhere.”  “I am a valuable customer and all I want to do is drink and be left alone!”

Tessie poured herself and Noreen a double shot and she said to Noreen” I know you are a great customer and don’t want to hear any lecture on the booze, but I will only say what I have got to say once and then never bring it up again. Your husband stopped by this morning and gave me this list of things he wants me to talk to you about.  Your kids call here every night because they are worried about you and your husband and kids would rather have you at home with them. The other night your son told me that you fell twice when you got home and he thought you were dead.  Your daughter told me that you have never been to one of her soccer games or any of her sporting events.  She told me that in a way it is better because she knows you would show up drunk and embarrass her in front of her friends if you did go.  Your husband told me to please, please, please try to talk to you about this because by the time they see you, you are already drunk and uncontrollable. They thought you might just listen to me.  They have made plans for you to go to an alcohol treatment center tomorrow morning. Now you need to know that if you refuse they are changing the locks on the door.  They will cancel your credit cards and do not want anything more to do with you or your drinking.  They are tired of watching you slowly kill yourself.  Your husband says he still loves you, but is sick of your disease, your embarrassing behavior and legal problems are piling up. He wants back the original woman he married. He sees signs of shakiness and is sick of you always being sick.  Your kids said to tell you the party is over and have observed decline in your health and your inability to focus. They say you completely neglect or avoid any type of social commitments.  Your unpredictable behavior and inappropriate spending has got to stop.  You are spending their college money!  Also your boss has been talking with your husband regarding your work ethnics lately.  Your boss said you are not yourself anymore and making a lot of mistakes. You are very defensive about unexplained absences or prolonged breaks. The habit of leaving work early or staggering in late is no longer acceptable.  You have not been yourself and have been very disorganized for the last year. You barely met deadlines or miss them altogether.   Your boss is in agreement with your husband and kids that if you do not go into treatment tomorrow morning your job if finished.  He said important clients were in the office last week and you smelled of booze and saw you later that day passed out on your desk taking a snooze.  I drink a lot myself said Tessie, but when it’s time to go to treatment, it’s time to go to treatment.”

Noreen said “Call me a cab now”   Tessie called the cab and said no more.

The following evening at 6:00pm… No Noreen the queen.  Great thought Tessie, she must have gone to treatment.  Several weeks went by and the phone rang it was Noreen’s son asking if his mother was there?  “No” said Tessie “I have not seen her in several weeks.  Noreen’s son sounded very worried.  “My mom refused to go into treatment and we had no choice but to change the locks and pray that she would change her mind.  We found out that she moved into a room above the bar on Main Street and has been drinking from morning to night now that she does not have a job.  My father went over there last night and the owner said he is not going to serve her anymore.  It’s not worth the trouble he said.  Also he wants her out of that room within 30 days or he is going to throw her out.  Said she is causing too many problems.

Just then a detective walked into Tessie’s bar. “I’ll call you back” said Tessie.  The detective had a picture of Noreen and asked a few customers if they had seen her in the last few days.  No it’s been several weeks since we seen her. The detective responded with “well we have a warrant for her arrest”.  Her purse was found floating in the lake this morning and we thought she had drown, however turns out that her friend that owns a house boat was robbed and murdered last night.  Noreen was seen leaving the boat at 6:00am this morning.  At 7:00am Noreen was seen at the liquor store.  She used a stolen credit card of her murdered friend; her drunken stupor is no excuse this time. Noreen is now our prime suspect.

Tessie opened the bar as always the following morning and grabbed the paper as she sipped her coffee. The headline caught her attention with “Suspect captured in houseboat murder”. Well, Tessie thought as she read through the article, I guess she will have no choice other then to stop drinking now.  That choice had been made for her. I’m sure she would have rather gone to rehab, had her family and job. Now all she has is a nine by twelve room in the jail and all her memories of when she was “Noreen the Queen”.

Tessie wrote this poem:

                   Denial

I have it all my life is good, for the moment.

 This is the way to go, though my thoughts are quite insane.

If I don’t tell you, you’ll never know. The rain is only on my window pane.

If I close the curtain just for today and never look outside,

I can tell myself the sun is shining brightly.

My own little world is under construction.

Things can be fixed once they are broken.

I look in the mirror and see that life is good.

I look at the closed curtain and see that I can make it rain or shine.

It’s all up to me and I like the curtain closed for the moment.

Maybe I’ll open it tomorrow or the next day.

My own little world is under construction.

Suddenly I am in a new world, life is not so good.

Bars I do not recognize. Not the kind I am familiar with.

 The moment they told me what I did.  I called them liars.

Why would I do that? I am a decent law abiding citizen.

When it’s time, it’s time.  Do the crime, do the time

Only wished I could remember. No window, not my world.

Social drinker

Social drinker

Social drinker……A person who consumes alcoholic beverages in moderation–ie, = 2 'standard drinks'/day, often in a socially acceptable situation.

There were several social drinkers that would usually stop in Tessie’s bar.  Hank, a retired electrician, would stop in every Friday after work and enjoy two small glasses of beer.  Kyle, Ed and Larry, three college students were on a softball team and would stop in after a game for a few drinks and team up with a few regulars for a few games of pool.  Kerry and Jessica young neighbors enjoyed a drink or two and to catch up on current events.  They were amused to watch the out of control drinkers in Tessie’s bar.  There were always a few memorable moments.  Fran, a humorous middle-aged woman, would sip a glass of wine on ladies night, but never even finish it.  She spent money on the Juke box and truly enjoyed music and being around people.  Her point of view on life was “Let’s agree to disagree.”

The regular (out of control drinkers) at Tessie’s bar were very puzzled by these social drinkers and always watched them sip their drink.  In a way they respected them.   How is it possible to drink and not lose control? What is the point of one or two drinks?

The regulars compiled a list of what they had observed.

They do not drink alone, they do not throw up on the juke box.

The police are not called, they do not start fights.

They do not get hospitalized or institutionalized because of their drinking.

They do not lie or deny about how much they drink.

They do not fall down, get up and fall down again.

They do not crave more; they can take it or leave it. Not a problem.

They are very co-operative and coherent.

They sip two or three drinks all night.  (Usually once a week OR once a month)

They don’t need a drink the next morning or have a case of the jitters.

Drinking does not affect their reputation.

They do not piss in their pants or in the parking lot.

If they go to a house party, they bring a 6 pack of beer (to share).

They do not fall asleep at the bar, in cars or at festivals.

They do not get cut off or barred and start crying.

They do not lose time from work due to drinking;

they do not drink at work.

They are willing & able to cheerfully answer the phone the next day.

They do not awaken with an overwhelming fear that they should go back and apologize but do not remember where?

They do not do irrational, tragic things while drinking, they are generally lovely people.

They do not come to their senses, and wonder what the hell happened last night in my stupor.

They know where they are at, where they have been and where their car is at all times.

Just then, One Beer Tom, the jokester stopped in, ordered a small glass of beer and said

“Here is the joke of the day”:

Wet Floor

When things were getting really bad, I found a couple of guys to room with me to help save on expenses. One of them even had his daughter move in with us. There we were, three drunks and a heroin addict

 We all went about our daily routines but showed up in the evening to party together. It wasn't long when the place became a pig-sty. Everything became filthy. None of us were cleaning the place and it just got worse and worse.

So one day, when I went to the store, in addition to the two cases of beer, I bought some coffee, some cooking oil, potato chips and some Mr. Clean cleaning fluid. That night, I was home alone as the others were out partying somewhere. I proceeded to get good and drunk and then decided I was going to clean the place up a bit

 I went to the closet and got a bucket and reached into the cabinet and pored in some cleaning fluid. I washed the floor and I picked up the place.

 The next morning, my friends were back, passed out on the couch or in their room. I fixed some coffee and noticed that the floor was still wet.

 The coffee was done so I poured a half a cup and filled it up the rest of the way with brandy.

 Later my room mates got up and followed my lead. Each was happy to see I had cleaned up the place.

The next day the floor was still wet. I figured it was just because we lived in a basement flat.

 Two more days passed and the floor was still wet. My friend said he knew someone who could help. He called this woman and she came over. It seems she was very superstitious. She convinced all of us that the floor was not drying because of "evil" spirits in the place. Of course, we were all wasted. She began to chant these sayings, I'm not even sure what language she was speaking. She started to dance around and then knocked over a table with my beer on it. I got angry and kicked everyone out of the place.                       I continued to drink for a while and then did some coke. I was fed up with everyone and the world. I was really pissed off that the floor looked so bad. All that moisture and the dirt of our shoes had made a real mess

 So, once again I got out the bucket to wash the floor. I opened the cabinet only to see that the bottle of Mr. Clean was unopened and the bottle of cooking oil was half empty. Guess what I did. That's right, I checked into detox.

This got Tessie thinking of a poem she had written years ago called The Ciotog

           In Ireland if you are left handed , you are called a Ciotog.

             The Ciotog   (pronounced  Kith –oug)       

They say the wisest people, that came from Ireland

Are the one’s they call the Ciotog’s one who writes with there left hand

Well a Ciotog could surprise you, with any thing they do

Especially one called Margie Lu,  I’ll tell you now, it’s true !

She could drink a pint of Guinness, with the Ciotog quick as lightning

And then throw down another pint, believe me it was frightening

Something always made you wonder, when she’d smile at you & wink

Was there magic in the Ciotog or was it just the drink  !

CHORUS : A Ciotog and a Guinness, don’t seem to get along

 but after 13 pints of Guinness, the poor headeen, it is gone

The Ciotog was a Sushi Chief; she could chop & mix & dice

Rumor say’s she wrote the song, The tail of three blind mice.

In the wee hours of the morning, The Ciotog it would shake

Could hardly hold a cigarette, let alone cook or bake.

But she knew the magic answer was to have a little drop

She’d fill a glass with whiskey, and a little drop of pop.

She could usually keep her mouth shut, unless you started first

      And you really would regret it, when she’d start to swing and curse.      CHORUS

She was actually very funny and was usually very kind

But washing down shots with Guinness, made her loose her mind.

Next morning she’d apologize and buy us all a drink

And all would be quite for a little while, maybe till her 7^th drink

Sometime she’d take the melodeon out and for us a tune she’d play

That Ciotog never got tired; it could make music night and day.

She also played the fiddle, and the Ciotog, how it flew

                        But what would happen next, why, nobody ever knew         CHORUS

One day quite unexpected when, somebody got her mad

She sent the Ciotog flying and knocked out a six-foot lad

So I’ll tell you lads and lassies, you must believe it’s true

Be careful round a Ciotog, for you don’t know what they’ll do ?

She finally was arrested, and as she sat in jail

Wondered how she got there and who would bring the bail ?

She hope’s that they would hurry, since her nerves were really shot

               She hadn’t gotten any sleep, upon the jail cell cot            CHORUS

Who arrived to bail the Ciotog out, was really a surprise

The parish priest was standing there, before her bloodshot eyes

He handed her a paper, and he handed her a pen

Now sign this pledge & promise me, your drinking days will end

Now I’ve heard all about you and your drinking days are done

Your troubles not the 13^th pint, It’s Guinness number 1

She signed the dotted line, more that 7 years ago

            The world is now a safer place.   I want you all to know       CHORUS

This got the customers laughing, and started talking about all the lunatics that use to be in for Happy Hour when it was from 7AM-8AM.  Now they were no longer around.

“Remember Mike and Rachel?” asked Tessie, “and how they thought they were better than the rest of us around here until Rachel figured out the Mike was really gay and she chased him around the parking lot with her car trying to run him over. Thank God the police showed up!”

“Remember Angie?” asked Tessie, “and how she would get drunk and call her mother up screaming and yelling about what a bitch she was and that it was her mother’s fault she drank.”

“Remember Donny?” asked Tessie, “how in the winter time he would come in with no shoes, just for fun and then go next door to the bakery and buy a loaf of Italian bread.  Then he would have them slice it down the middle and wear one on each foot.  Now he was a nut.”

“Remember Sylvia?” asked Tessie, “and how she would always be banging on the door at five to seven screaming that my clock was slow here in the bar.”

“Remember how much we would laugh here at happy hour?  I wonder what ever happened to them and what there doing now? “asked Tessie.

  “Remember Joann?” asked Tessie.  “That was the saddest funeral I was ever at.”

  Joann was a woman that was dealt a bad hand of cards.  Her family would always anticipate her showing up drunk and would hide the liquor from her when they knew she was coming over.  Over the years she went from bad condition to worse and had been to jail, psych wards, had several DUI’s and would usually be in the bar at 7AM for an eye opener.  Her life was becoming a mess that she seen no way out of.  She really thought that nobody knew how messed up her reality was becoming.  Joann knew she was functioning, but not really in reality. When Joann’s husband filed for divorce and got custody of the kids, she realized she was drinking too much and tried to get it together.  She was a nervous wreck and always tried to be on her best behavior. Every Sunday at noon she had a thirty minute supervised visit with her kids. Her ex-husband had warned her not to show up wasted and make a scene.  Joann told us that it was hard to imagine the loneliness she felt and that the silence was deafening where she now lived in her one rental room where she eventually committed suicide by shooting herself with a rifle one Saturday night when she ran out of excuses for living.